burn like wildfire
by Little Miss Escapist
Summary: How could he be heartless if his chest threatened to explode? rn, sk, drabble.


Roxas finds himself wishing he _had_ faded away. Even oblivion would be better than this half-life, this non-feeling.

Sure, it doesn't seem too hard in itself. He has a body, a face, a heart – but no control. The emotions are separate from his, the sensations, the actions… There is the longing to move, to breathe, all of his own accord, but he is nobody, and everything is governed by Sora simply because he has a _heart_.

Roxas probably could've taken that nightmare for the rest of Sora's lifetime. But the gods are ever unforgiving, laughing sadistically at the trivial troubles of mortals.

In front of Roxas, they dangle Namine on a string, so close but so out of reach.

There is pain, pain, _pain_ in every second Sora spends by Kairi's side. Because in Roxas's (borrowed) vision, her hair flickers red-blonde-red-blonde, and her features sharp-soft-sharp-soft. Kairi's full grin momentarily shifts to Namine's soft, serene smile, and Roxas hates having to live with that. He wants Namine _all the time_. There is no distinction between where Kairi ends and Namine begins, and he _hates _it. Hates it even more than the half-life he lives, than the feelings he cannot feel.

Namine, at least, he thinks, should run free, feel the wind on her face, the crunch of the sand underneath the soles of her feet, the occasional lick of the waves as she walks along… Namine is vibrant and beautiful and perfect; she does not deserve to be a mere half, a _nothing_. Not when she's _everything_.

Sora reaches out for Kairi, cradles her in his arms, forcing Roxas to follow along. Anger washes over him cruelly and brutally. He does not love _this_ girl with her grins and giggles and gaiety, her silly little fairytale life, her 'damsel in distress' persona. He doesn't want to touch _her_! He refuses to be faithless to Namine, with her soft smiles, quiet laughter, inner brilliance, independence, and silence. Never.

Finally, Kairi's hair flickers platinum, and for a split second, all is well in Roxas's half-world. Then he realizes the arms holding Namine are _not_ his. They're Sora's. Jealousy replaces anger, stronger and more powerful than anger could have ever hoped to be.

Namine is _his._ _His._

Sora should not be touching her, taunting him.

_Namine is MINEMINEMINEMINE, let go of her, damnit!_

How could he be heartless if his (Sora's) chest threatens to explode?

Are his feelings a sad mockery of the way Sora feels for Kairi?!

No! His love is not, _never was_, a shadow of Sora's for Kairi's. Sora's love is gentle, content – the steady flow of the river, nurturing and chaste. Sora's love is alien to the passion Roxas feels.

What Roxas feels for Namine is _wildfire_, conflagration at its finest! Together they burn, they explode, putting to shame the sun and the stars! With Namine, Roxas is _alive_; dancing, burning, _so close to complete._

It is even worse knowing that he had the chance once. That once, they were themselves and close and _within reach_. They _could have been_. He could have run away with her, run away from everything… Screw the worlds. He _could_ have had her in _his_ (not Sora's) arms. _Carpe diem. _Seize the day. Why the hell didn't he?

Kairi-Namine looks up at Sora, and _carpe diem_, he gently ducks down to place his lips to hers. The feeling is new, foreign, wonderful. Jealousy and anger tango in Roxas's (non)heart, painful and aching and _never going away_.

_Why?! Why forsake me the only thing I've ever had? _Roxas wishes he could cry his own tears, be his own man, have his own heart. Soon, Sora and Kairi will be wed. Have children, happy lives…

The implications of bearing children slaps Roxas in the face.

_You think this is bad?_ sneer the gods. _One day, they'll _make love.They'll _burn together, explode, conflagrate. And oh, children and contentment _do_ follow… Sora can make your Namine happier in ways you never could hope to. And maybe she'll love _him _instead of you, because these are _his_ actions, _his_ will, aren't they? You will _never_ have her._

Sora, immeasurably happy and content, is surprised to find tears rolling down his cheeks.

(_How can I be heartless when I _love_, _feel_ like this?_

Because Namine IS your heart, to be forever dangled in front of you, untouchable and magnificent.

_Ah, yes._)

**Author's Notes: **Because I've fallen for Roxas x Namine, and they deserve so much more than living within Sora and Kairi.


End file.
